Firewall

fSo, the Six Degrees project has generated a lot of plaudits. Here’s a pan, for those fans of negative reviews.

Firewall is a terrible hostage/heist drama, starring Harrison Ford as a security chief of a Seattle bank, and Paul Bettany as the “mastermind” who has Ford’s family at gunpoint, forcing Ford to steal $100 million from investors of the bank. Now, you know a PG-13 film isn’t going to kill a kid, so the tension is somewhat deflated. The cadre of bad guys are just sort of menacing without really being scary. Ford is kind of sleeping through the film, and Bettany can only chew the scenery so loudly and remain a normal human presence. So everything is a little boring.

And then there are the ways this film handles technology that just sort of grate on me. For example, Ford has no problem downloading data onto his daughter’s gen-1 iPod, despite not accessing any kind of a UI that could reasonably convert the files into anything like a proper file format. The film was released in 2006. There’s just no way this chief of security wouldn’t have access to anything and everything on the servers from his home through a VPN. There would be no need to slip behind the firewall with a trip to the bank.

And then the finale requires tracking the family dog via GPS… except I’m pretty sure that’s not how dog trackers work. And, anyway, this group of stone cold killers would just not allow the family to bring their fricking dog along.

Anyway, there’s a lot to hate about this movie.

Harrison Ford was in Firewall with Paul Bettany. Paul Pettany was in…

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